WINTER 2006
ight now, I am listening to the prattle of two youngsters who are flying paper airplanes in the hallway. They alternate between being cooperative and having a lot of fun, and, occasionally, arguing over trivia (Whose fault is it the plane just flew down the stairs, anyway?). I suppose it's more fun to argue than to just go down the stairs and get the airplane. I refuse to get involved with this debate. When they ask me to intervene, I say, "You are brothers. You are going to be brothers for a long time. So find a way to solve this on your own that does not involve hitting or name calling." After a few minutes, one or both always goes down the stairs to get the plane, and the game continues.
Their being in my life has added much stress to my daily activity. This morning, I found myself resenting getting breakfast for the two, and supervising their dressing, bathing, tooth brushing, and the other trivial things that go with parenting a two-year-old and a child who has just turned four. I had to remind myself, "These are your grandchildren. They are going to be your grandchildren for a long time. So find a friendly way to deal with this that does not involve hitting or name calling."
On a one-on-one basis, this seems to work. The kids did not hit each other in solving their paper airplane debate. And I did not hit the two-year-old when he threw his shoes at the television set, or the four-year-old when he informed me he did not have to obey me because "you're not the boss of me." As individuals, most of us do learn to control our anger. Most of us, at least most of the time, deal with people in constructive and loving ways.
This seems to break down when we leave the arena of individuals, however. Corporations are often more interested in the "bottom line" than in the poor. Nations would often rather "defend" their rights, religions, etc., with bombs and guns than negotiate with words. Is this in part because we do not see the individuality of groups? Do we believe, at some deep emotional level, that Iraq, the nation, is not composed of beautiful wonderful individuals? Do we believe the millions of homeless and near homeless in the USA have no names, no individual eyes gazing fearfully at the world? Or do we, when we become members of a nation or a corporation, cease to feel that we are still individually responsible for our choices? "They" are doing this deed, not us.
I don't have the answers to these questions. But I am acutely aware that we are all brothers and sisters. We are all grandparents and grandchildren. Somehow, we must learn, as nations, as corporations, to find a friendly way to solve our problems that does not involve violence or name calling."
Sondra Ball
Clerk, Salem Quarterly MeetingRETURN TO TABLE OF CONTENTS
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Monday, November 20, 2006 at 06:08 PM
