SUMMER 2007
ario and I recently celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. It's been 27 really good years. Well — really loving years anyway. I'm not at all sure that the death of our daughter, or the years of dealing with our then delinquent son, count as "good" years. But Rob has turned his life around and is becoming a son to be proud of. And Mario and I, through all the good and the bad turns of our lives, have maintained a deep love and a solid respect for each other.
I'm not really sure how we have made a good marriage, however. Mario says we are "soul mates," and I think we are, but even marriages like ours that are "made in heaven" still have to get worked out on earth. We do listen to one another. We do consistently give each other space to follow our hearts. In the beginning, it was me camping and Mario playing dungeons and dragons. Now it's me writing poetry and Mario playing bridge. We both accept each other's "irrational" moments; and we manage to almost never get "in the dumps" at the same time. Even following Christine's death, we never had severe crying spells on the same afternoons.
I think it is the acceptance of our differences, however, that has really made this marriage work. From the beginning of our courtship, we have been involved in very different activities. Our friends on both sides were astounded when we got engaged. Many had not even realized we were dating. We have never, over the years, insisted that the other give up any major activity to conform to the different life style of the other.
We openly express our love to each other in many ways, from a surprise dessert to a surprise trip inner tubing down the Delaware. I just told Mario what to wear that hot summer day, and he trusted me enough to go along on a ride to an unknown place.
And we pray together and apart. When major crises happen, we "go into the silence" and wait upon the spirit for guidance, trusting that one or the other of us will receive a message that applies. And we both trust the messages the other gets. We both also have our own separate daily times of prayer and meditation. Someone once said, "the family that prays together stays together." Perhaps, more than anything else, it has been our mutual and separate pursuits of the divine that has made this marriage "made in heaven" also one that works on earth.
Sondra Ball
Clerk, Salem Quarterly MeetingRETURN TO TABLE OF CONTENTS
Last modified:
Monday, May 21, 2007 at 11:48 PM
