WINTER 2009This quarter, I am learning about patience and silence in a new way— through illness. Yesterday I had 1300 ml of fluid drained from my lungs— almost five weeks after having 1350 ml drained. The first diagnosis, several weeks ago, was viral pneumonia. That may still be what I have, but tests are being run to rule out other things, all sorts of other things from unknown bacteria to cancer.
In the meantime, I am spending most of my hours in bed: sleeping, watching movies, reading, doing puzzles in my puzzle books, and praying. My exhaustion has brought a time of deep silence and a time of reevaluating many things. I realize I have become too busy—and I plan to let go of about a quarter of my current responsibilities. After all, the world has continued to function quite well without me these past weeks. Most committees have not only survived without me, they haven’t even missed a beat. My clients have noticed my absence a bit more than the committees, but they are also doing well with my absence. For me, committees and clients continuing to function without me has been a very comforting thing.
I am maintaining my role in Salem Quarter. Although I am sure the quarter could function well without me too, my roles in the quarter are very important to me. I will, however, be backing away from wider Quaker activities: yearly meeting and national-level committees— focusing more on the home front and on my own writing.
If I had thought about it beforehand, I would have predicted that my long forced rest would leave me impatient and restless. After all, I am a bit hyperactive. People who pay close attention know I seldom really sit still. If I can’t move anything else, I wiggle my toes inside my sneakers.
But the rest has been good. The long periods of time alone have been good. I feel my soul communing with the Holy Spirit, embracing the silence and the aloneness. Over and over, I find myself whispering, “Father/Mother/Creator, unto you I surrender my body, my spirit, my soul.” And my soul grows rested and peaceful and full of the energy that prayer and surrendering to God builds inside one’s inner self.
Sondra Ball
Clerk, Salem Quarterly MeetingRETURN TO TABLE OF CONTENTS
Last modified:
Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 09:40 PM
